80 Woody Allen Quotes About Missing Your Own Funeral


We are all familiar with his work, on Broadway and in the film industry with films containing elements of parody, romance and drama. We do take our hat off to this man’s talent. Woody Allen is quite a creative and gifted director, writer, musician and actor whose career spans for more than six decades. He is a multiple Academy Award and Oscar winner, and is also known for his controversial marriage to his step daughter, to whom he is still married today. His show-business career started as early as a teenager when he started writing jokes for talk shows. However, truth be told, constantly evolving with the changing times, his sense of humor and his character never seem dated and make his films stay relevant years after they first released.

This Brooklyn-born New Yorker is considered witty and a writing genius. Read on to find some of the most clever, entertaining, blunt and philosophical statements he has made. They will surprise, inspire and amuse you, friends, and loved ones. Don’t miss out these on these sparkling words!

Best Woody Allen Quotes

  • Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
  • Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer. Woody Allen
  • Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. Woody Allen
  • Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen
  • Self-obsession, that treacherous time waster. Woody Allen
  • If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Woody Allen
  • I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life. Woody Allen
  • If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative. Woody Allen
  • Hell is other people’s taste. Woody Allen

Woody Allen quote to note and share.

I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social. Woody Allen

 

Success quote to note and share.

Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen

 

Woody Allen life quote to note and share.

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. Woody Allen

  • I am at two with nature. Woody Allen
  • Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind. Woody Allen
  • I love nature, I just don’t want to get any of it on me. Woody Allen
  • Until you’ve been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon – you’ve never been kissed. Woody Allen
  • If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. Woody Allen
  • Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. Woody Allen
  • You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes. Woody Allen
  • All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it. Woody Allen
  • Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage. Woody Allen
  • The artist’s job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. Woody Allen
  • Tradition is the illusion of permanence. Woody Allen

Woody Allen quote about tradition to note and share.

Tradition is the illusion of permanence. Woody Allen

 

Woody Allen quote to note and share.

Self-obsession, that treacherous time waster. Woody Allen

 

Courage quote to note and share.

Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage. Woody Allen

  • I had an IQ test. The results came back negative. Woody Allen
  • If you’re born with a gift, to behave like it’s an achievement is not right. Woody Allen
  • You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ. Woody Allen
  • God is silent. Now if only man would shut up. Woody Allen
  • The only thing standing between me and greatness is me. Woody Allen
  • In the end this obsession for conformity leads to fascism. Woody Allen
  • To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen
  • Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen
  • Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. Woody Allen
  • I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government. Woody Allen
  • Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym. Woody Allen
  • Last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen
  • I just met a wonderful new man, he is fictional, but you can’t have everything. Woody Allen
  • I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen
  • I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen
  • I don’t know what I want, but I know what I don’t want. Woody Allen
  • Can we actually “know” the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. Woody Allen
  • I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen
  • If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever. Woody Allen
  • It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen

 

Woody Allen New York Quotes

  • He was as tough and romantic as the city he loved. Behind his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat. Woody Allen
  • I’m a creature of the New York City streets. Woody Allen
  • New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it’s a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. Woody Allen
  • He was too romantic about Manhattan, as he was about everything else. He thrived on the hustle bustle of the crowds and the traffic. To him, New York meant beautiful women and street-smart guys who seemed to know all the angles… Woody Allen

 

Woody Allen Quotes on Age

  • As I got older, not just extinction but the meaninglessness of existence became clearer to me. Woody Allen

  • Existence for eternity could get a little boring… especially towards the end. Woody Allen
  • I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I’m profoundly grateful to her. Woody Allen
  • You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
  • Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Woody Allen
  • I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
  • I can’t do anything to death, doctor’s orders. Woody Allen
  • Don’t think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses. Woody Allen
  • I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. Woody Allen
  • I can’t minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you. Woody Allen
  • You don’t gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you’d trade all of that for being 35 again. Woody Allen

Funny Woody Allen quote to note and share.

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

Famous Woody Allen Quotes

  • A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. Woody Allen
  • The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. Woody Allen
  • I don’t know what I’m doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm. Woody Allen
  • The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that. Woody Allen
  • I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social. Woody Allen
  • I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen
  • Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen
  • There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you. Woody Allen
  • Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes. Woody Allen
  • Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen
  • If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he’d never stop throwing up. Woody Allen
  • This year I’m a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole? Woody Allen
  • He’s a genius, she’s a genius, wow, you know a lot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something. Woody Allen
  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
  • Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. Woody Allen
  • It seems to me the only hope for mankind lies in magic. I have always hated reality, but it’s the only place you can get good chicken wings. Woody Allen
  • There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open. Woody Allen
  • The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep. Woody Allen
  • Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name. Woody Allen
  • What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen
  • I appreciate the chance to visit my mom on Mother’s Day — it’s like taking a refresher course in guilt. Woody Allen
  • I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot. Woody Allen
  • Rather than live on in the hearts and mind of the public, I prefer to live on in my apartment. Woody Allen
  • My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films. Woody Allen
  • Basically, my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen

 

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