94 Michael Scott Quotes to Get You Through the Work Week

Last Updated on January 13, 2022

One of the funniest fictional characters ever created, Michael Scott is the protagonist from the US adaptation of The Office.

Steve Carell breathed life into this silly and gullible character, turning him into a unique personality of his own. The Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin was full of colorful characters—but none of them were as vibrant as Michael Scott.

Whether he’s alter ego Date Mike, Prison Mike, or Michael Scarn, Michael Scott will always be one of the most loveable goofs in TV history.

 

Early Years

Michael was born and raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Besides claiming to be 2/15 Native American, he asserted that he was also of English, German, Scottish, and Irish descent.

Little is known about his childhood, except that he was raised by his mother and stepfather and that he was a child star. Michael also didn’t go to college because he lost all his money for tuition to a pyramid scheme.

He later learned that he had a half-sister, the mother of his nephew Luke whom he eventually hired as an intern.

The lovable manager of Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch landed a job at the company when he followed a beautiful woman into the office park, then left with a job.

He was then promoted to the role of manager after winning consecutive awards in the company for best salesperson. Michael adored his former boss, and he believes that his coworkers idolize him in the same way.

Michael’s child-like personality and desire to keep his employees entertained made him create different alter egos, like the ones below. They often serve not just to entertain, but to educate as well.

 

Date Mike

From years of watching reality TV, Michael subconsciously took on the traits of the losers from dating shows.

He developed an alternate persona called Date Mike, a wild and rowdy character who only came out to play when Michael was on a date. He is completely unaware of Date Mike’s unappealing traits.

Desperate to charm the ladies, Date Mike would wear a ridiculous outfit: an unbuttoned shirt with the collar sticking out. He wore a Kangol hat backward on top of all that to complete the look.

His clothes weren’t as terrible as his ability to strike up a conversation though. Upon meeting the ladies, he’d say his catchphrase, “Nice to meet me.”

 

Prison Mike

Purple bandana-wearing prison Mike is another persona that Michael developed from horrible movie stereotypes and the internet. He was created when Michael learned that Martin went to prison.

He tried to prove to the entire office that prison life is horrible, and he did so unsuccessfully. His colleagues listened as he presented a fictional picture of prison life, one where Dementors—the soul-sucking guards of Azkaban—existed.

Pretending to be incarcerated for robbery and kidnapping, Prison Mike spoke with a New York accent and used prison slang while squinting his eye the whole time.

 

Michael Scarn

Michael Scott portrays the top-secret agent Michael Scarn in Michael Scott’s movie, Threat Level Midnight.

The character seems to be a blend of Bruce Wayne, Bruce Willis, and Bruce Vilanch. In the film, he successfully saved NFL, MLB, and NBA games from his nemesis Goldenface. He also plays the husband of Catherine Zeta-Jones, who was killed by Goldenface at the WNBA All-Star game. Her death was on the one day he took a day off to run a marathon with Robin Williams.

Like many of Michael’s alter egos, Scarn reflects his childlike personality, vivid imagination, and unwavering faith in himself.

 

Michael Scott, the Best Boss

The show began with the premise that Michael is a horrible boss: incompetent, inappropriate, and offensive.

As the show progressed though, it became evident that his odd strategies worked. He wasn’t anywhere close to being a conventional boss, but his methods drove profits anyway.

Michael did everything that he could to help Dunder Mifflin. Even though he wasn’t exactly sure how he was doing it, he is arguably the world’s best boss.

Little did Michael know that his weaknesses were the very traits that enabled him to build a productive working environment. Take his love for fun and creativity for example.

His playful antics created a playful office, where employees had a sense of freedom. Although his colleagues liked to complain about him, his weird antics were gravely missed in the office when he left at two different points of the show.

In the very few times that Michael was unable to fulfill his duties as manager, he encouraged employees to step up and work well in spite of his absence—and they would.

Other bosses who took up the job might have been smarter and professional than Michael, but all of them stifled their employees’ creative freedom.

Michael’s playful antics, love for his employees, dedication to his work, and courage to dream the impossible dream easily make him one of the most colorful fictional characters in TV history. Perhaps he’s even better than most bosses in the corporate world.

Here are 94 quotes from Michael Scott worth remembering:

 

Michael Scott Quotes

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So, you know you are getting the best possible information.” – Michael Scott

 

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott

 

“I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? … I really can’t say, but yes!” – Michael Scott

 

“Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So, sue me.” – Michael Scott

 

“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” – Michael Scott

 

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott

 

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott

 

“Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.” – Michael Scott

 

“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott

 

“There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.” – Michael Scott

 

“They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.” – Michael Scott

 

Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott

 

“The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary, and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!” – Michael Scott

 

“The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” – Michael Scott

 

“Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott

 

“I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parents’ dream.” – Michael Scott

 

“I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.” – Michael Scott

 

“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott

 

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott

 

“You know what they say, ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.’” – Michael Scott

 

“When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?” – Michael Scott

 

“Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott

 

“I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.” – Michael Scott

 

“And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.” – Michael Scott

 

“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” – Michael Scott

 

“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott

 

“I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So, I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott

 

“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” – Michael Scott

 

“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott

 

“There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.” – Michael Scott

 

“I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott

 

“Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.” – Michael Scott

 

“I am Beyonce, always.” – Michael Scott

 

“Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.” – Michael Scott

 

“I say dance, they say ‘How high?’” – Michael Scott

 

“I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” – Michael Scott

 

“Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollar worth.’” – Michael Scott

 

“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott

 

“There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.” – Michael Scott

 

“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” – Michael Scott

 

“Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.” – Michael Scott

 

“I want you to rub butter on my foot…Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” – Michael Scott

 

“That’s what she said!” – Michael Scott

 

“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” – Michael Scott

 

“Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.” – Michael Scott

 

“It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow that’s ten times as long as it takes me.” – Michael Scott

 

“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So, he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced… so he’s not really a part of his family.” – Michael Scott

 

“Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.” – Michael Scott

 

“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” – Michael Scott

 

“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott

 

“People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.” – Michael Scott

 

“Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.” – Michael Scott

 

“I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.” – Michael Scott

 

“I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.” – Michael Scott

 

“The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Michael Scott

 

“Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.” – Michael Scott

 

“Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your momma’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.” – Michael Scott

 

“Pizza: the great equalizer.” – Michael Scott

 

“I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish…sort of a virtual United Nations.” – Michael Scott

 

“About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.” – Michael Scott

 

“My mind is going a mile an hour.” – Michael Scott

 

“I’m sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!” – Michael Scott

 

“It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.” – Michael Scott

 

“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” – Michael Scott

 

“I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it…” – Michael Scott

 

“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.” – Michael Scott

 

“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.” – Michael Scott

 

“I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.” – Michael Scott

 

“Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.” – Michael Scott

 

“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott

 

“Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?” – Michael Scott

 

“It is St. Patrick’s Day….It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” – Michael Scott

 

“When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.” – Michael Scott

 

“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.” – Michael Scott

 

“It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.” – Michael Scott

 

“Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?” – Michael Scott

 

“Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or… or where you’ve been… ever. For any reason, whatsoever.” – Michael Scott

 

“No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs…Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” – Michael Scott

 

Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.” – Michael Scott

 

“They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.” – Michael Scott

 

“Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.” – Michael Scott

 

“Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.” – Michael Scott

 

“I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” – Michael Scott

 

“If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus…Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.” – Michael Scott

 

“If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.” – Michael Scott

 

“Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.” – Michael Scott

 

“You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!” – Michael Scott

 

“I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” – Michael Scott

 

“I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.” – Michael Scott

 

“I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?” – Michael Scott

 

“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.” – Michael Scott

 

“Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest… that’s what she said.” – Michael Scott

 

“Oh, look! A Sbarro. My favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice!” – Michael Scott

 

“You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott

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